so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
