If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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