Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
