at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
