I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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