butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it because I queefed?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
