Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
