Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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