Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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