wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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