3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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