remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
