sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
