Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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