Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
