After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Bring me that man meat
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
