hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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