I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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