went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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