She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
