so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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