the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
