Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
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So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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