Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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