i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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