My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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