you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
