i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
