I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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