OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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