I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
