Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
