Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
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I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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