Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I forget how to act sober
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
