I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
