I just made out with a guy for $7.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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