hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
