we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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