She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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