Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
