i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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