He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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