smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
