First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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