But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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