It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
