I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
