i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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