If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
my poor anus
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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