stop calling my apartment porn island.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
