in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
