i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Holy shit dude........stairs
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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