Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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