Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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