help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How external is "for external use only"?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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