The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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