Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
