Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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