RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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