so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
