Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
