i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
COCAINE IS GR8
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
