Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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