Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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