singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
