she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's never too late to be topless.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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