I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
