as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
