i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
