There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
