I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
