Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
