I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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