you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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