Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
