We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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