And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
