Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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