what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
