Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
